Why do I indulge myself like this? Because I care about them, and they understand. Which is surprising, considering their track record. But perhaps what makes me different from the rest is what changes the situation. I respect them. I love them. And I hope they at least like me back. Rarely do you find someone who is also a guy who understands me and respects me, and is confident enough in themselves. And WITHOUT being an absolute idiot. As for her, I really don't know. There is a part of me that has long moved on, there is a part of me that is still really disappointed, there is a part of me that wants her back, there is a part of me that is hurt. So I guess confused is the proper term. The thing is, she's like a personal interest and we take turns maturing each other. If she wasn't so scared things can go back to how they used to be. But she is not ready. And I need to have the strength to move on. And I am very sorry to say how happy I am that Carmen is no longer such a big part of my life.